In many respects, there is a lot of beauty in the postpartum period.

A new life is introduced to this world, your heart opens up like you never knew it could and all of a sudden, you have a bigger purpose.

But there is also a side of it that almost feels like bad design.

Your body has accomplished the most impressive physical task it is capable of: growing a baby and then getting that baby out of you. It is more significant than any workout or any surgery you will ever undergo.

Rest and repair are more important than any other time in your life.

You are forced to rebuild from the ground up and your body will no longer get away with any dysfunction. It’s an opportunity to reset and rebuild, to do it all over again but in the right way this time.

But you have a baby.

And with that comes minimal sleep, nutritional deficits, hormonal imbalances and lots of lifting. In other words, it is the most inopportune time to rest, replenish and rebuild.

This my friends is the Postpartum Dilemma. 

It’s easy to get caught up in the frustration of all of this. Your body is telling you it needs to sleep and lie down, yet a screaming baby has a totally different agenda and unfortunately, the baby’s needs have to be placed before yours. It’s common to feel like you can’t do anything right, that you are unable to do what you should be doing and even when you manage to do something, you feel like you aren’t doing it all that well. 

So what to do about it…

Here are my recommendations for navigating the Postpartum Dilemma: 

1. Do what you have to do when you have to do it.

Often times postpartum is more about surviving and less about thriving. You must meet the needs of your baby and in the beginning, it is often at the sacrifice of your own needs. Its just the way it is. So do what you have to do, when you have to do it and you should feel really good about doing so. You are keeping a baby alive. That’s a big deal. 

2. Don’t do more than you have to.

There is already a huge demand on you in making sure that kid is fed, changed and rested. Don’t do more than that. Ask for help or pay for help. DO NOT touch those dishes. 

3. Make the have-tos as restful as possible.

There are more restful ways of doing things even if it doesn’t look like what you would consider rest. For example, lie down while playing with your baby instead of sitting, sit to rock baby instead of standing, lie down while baby naps instead of being out on a walk or baby-wearing, feed the baby while lying down. Even if you aren’t sleeping, you can still be resting your body while accomplishing some of the have-tos. 

4. Incorporate your rebuild into the have-tos.

Once your body has gotten ample rest, you will feel the need to move and the desire to strengthen. The cool part is that you have built in strength training throughout your entire day AND your weight gets heavier every day too! This is when you focus on your posture and your breath to make the diaper changes, carseat transfers, crib transfers and walks your strength training. These same demands have the potential of depleting your body even further but its all about how you do them. If you pay attention to form and do them with intention, they become strength builders that only contribute to you feeling better and stronger! 

5. Practice self-compassion always.

You will often feel like you fail at all the things on most days. Recovering physically while transitioning into parenthood is straight up hard. But our self talk can be like twisting the knife when it involves shame, blame and guilt. So be kind to yourself. You are doing your best. And that is enough. You are enough. You are doing great. Remind yourself of that every minute of everyday.  

6. Your time will come.

This isn’t forever. You will sleep a full night again. The postpartum dilemma is temporary and your rehab potential will be waiting for you when you have the ability to take it on. Just make sure you watch for that door opening because it can be easy to fall into the sacrificial parenting habits and never take back self-care simply because you aren’t used to being able to do so. It’s never too late to start but you have to make sure you do.

Do you want more guidance through your postpartum rebuild? Click here to be the first in the know about my postpartum program: Whole Again.

The first step toward change is recognizing that there is a problem and I believe we are there when it comes to peripartum care in the United States. Research is showing that as a first world country, the US is falling short, especially when it comes to postpartum care for mothers (article).

I have experienced this first hand even with the best insurance, the most amazing OB and my own medical background. I can only imagine how poor the level of care is for mothers that are not as privileged as I am. A big step in the right direction happened in May of 2018 when the ACOG (American College of Obstetricians and Gynecologists) released new recommendations for peripartum care (article). It finally includes a visit for mom within 3 weeks of baby’s arrival versus the standard 6 weeks. IT’S ABOUT TIME! It also states that “postpartum care should become an ongoing process” and include a “comprehensive postpartum visit with a full assessment of physical, social, and psychological well-being, including the following domains: mood and emotional well-being; infant care and feeding; sexuality, contraception, and birth spacing; sleep and fatigue; physical recovery from birth; chronic disease management; and health maintenance.” Pelvic physical therapy even got a shout out!

Now the real question to ask is whether moms are actually receiving this recommended peripartum care. In a study surveying the office visits of postpartum women from 2008 to 2016, less than 50% of most recommended services were performed during a comprehensive visit and this was consistent across all insurance types (article).

I think there are many reasons for this shortcoming. First off, a comprehensive visit requires time: something most doctors do not have in our current medical system. I believe it is unreasonable to expect an OBGYN, midwife or family doctor to cover all of these areas in the 20 min they are allotted per patient. They are doing the best they can within the model that they work which means screening for life threatening conditions and moving on to their next patient.

Another reason is that mothers don’t know they deserve and need more than what they are currently receiving. I know many that are itching to get back to things so when they are given the “all clear” at 6 weeks, they are stoked! What they don’t know is that this is a disservice to their body in the long run. Many have symptoms they are experiencing but don’t know something can be done to help them, aren’t comfortable talking about it or aren’t asked in the first place. Too often, women accept that they will pee themselves when they sneeze or have pain with penetration because these common symptoms are a “consequence” of having kids. Women just don’t know that it doesn’t have to be this way.

Motherhood is also a place of selflessness. The needs of the child are prioritized and mom is often left with no time, space or energy to take care of herself. There is so much emphasis on the baby’s health and well-being, mom doesn’t realize that her health should actually come first so she can be there for her child fully. I wish more moms believed and lived by the saying “happy mom, happy baby”. Instead, most mothers sacrifice their own needs for the needs of their child. I believe its up to perinatal professionals to make sure moms know that their well being matters too. In fact, it matters first and foremost.

So here is my contribution: some education regarding what peripartum care should look like. I recognize there are many barriers to this actually happening including but not limited to socioeconomic disparities and racial inequality but I figure the first step is naming what it should be. Once more people know the destination, we can start to figure out how to get there. If you aren’t a mom or expecting to be a one in the future, please tell your friends and family. And any stranger that might listen.

Dear mamas,

Peripartum care should start with a preconception visit. It provides a space to ask questions, voice concerns, talk about fears, understand what to expect and get some basic tests to confirm your body is fit to grow a baby. This is also where difficult but ever so common occurrences like miscarriage and infertility should be discussed. By knowing about all of these things BEFORE they happen, women can be better equipped to deal with it when it is happening.

Once pregnant, the education should shift toward what to expect during pregnancy. It’s actually quite simple, expect anything and everything. But knowing this before the skin rash, insomnia, discharge, dizziness, shortness of breath etc. comes on would again be helpful. Pregnancy can be scary and it’s important for expecting mothers to know what constitutes a reason to call the nurse or head to urgent care. All of this should be covered in prenatal visits to a nurse, midwife or OB but sometimes it won’t be volunteered information. So ask questions mamas! No question is dumb. In fact you are likely wondering the exact same thing as that pregnant person sitting next to you in the waiting room. This is why I absolutely love prenatal yoga, prenatal fitness classes and group prenatal care. It’s so important to know and feel that you are not alone throughout all of this. If you are in Santa Cruz, check out Luma and Fit4Mom. We are so fortunate to have such amazing programs in our backyard. Go take advantage of it!

I have to refer to doctors, midwives and doulas for most prenatal education but when it comes to the musculoskeletal system, a pelvic physical therapist is the expert to consult. One day I hope pelvic PT will be part of routine prenatal and postnatal care but until then, it’s important you seek it out on your own. You don’t need to wait until you have pain or incontinence to see a pelvic physical therapist. Even before you’re showing, you can learn about how to engage your core, how to contract and relax your pelvic floor and how to stand properly so that when the belly is big and the system is challenged, you are better equipped to manage it and prevent pain, incontinence and prolapse. Sound like a good plan? I think so! During the later stages of pregnancy modification of exercises, sleeping positioning and preparation for delivery can be addressed. Doing so can minimize tearing, hemorrhoids, prolapse and diastasic recti. What an opportunity that is so often missed!

Ok so you have the baby. Chances are good labor and delivery aren’t going to go as planned but its a good lesson in letting go of control and expectations. All attention is turned toward baby and let me tell you, the baby always wins. But what about you? Your body has just performed a miracle! It grew a baby and now that baby is out either through a small hole or through a cut in your abdomen. In my opinion, neither are great options. If prenatal care didn’t fall short, postpartum care definitely will and this is why I am spending the time to write all of this and get it out there for anyone who wants it. Very little time goes into preparing a mama for what to expect physically after delivery. Again, I have to leave most of this up to doctors but ask the questions! If something isn’t working or feeling right, if you’re depressed and nothing brings you joy, or if you’re just wondering if something is normal, go see your doctor and ask questions! You are just as important as that baby you just made. In fact you are more important because a healthy and happy mom is going to nurture a healthy and happy baby.

What I can tell you is this, everything is going to hurt at first and pooping is going to be very painful and scary so take your stool softeners! Rest is the most important thing at first which is hard because you have a baby to keep alive and likely feel like you don’t know what you are doing when it comes to parenting. But rest. Please rest. As tissues heal and hormones level a little, a new version of your physical self will emerge. The most important thing I can tell you is this, you DO NOT have to live with pelvic pain or incontinence or anything else for that matter! Fancy diapers that look like panties or avoidance of sex does not have to be the answer! Go see a pelvic physical therapist. A pelvic PT can help guide you through low or mid back pain from lifting and nursing a baby, return to exercise safely so you can avoid injury, scar tissue release so you have less pain, so your c-section mark is less visible, so you can heal your diastasis recti, find you abdominals again, and train the pelvic floor so panty liners are no longer needed. The rebuilding process is just that, a process. And it doesn’t happen naturally, especially if you are having a kid any later than age 18. It’s hard work but if done properly, you can have a body that functions better than it did before having children. Trust me. You just need the proper guidance and support.

It’s also never too late to get the care you might have missed. Sure the “fourth trimester” is a very important time but technically, every mama is postpartum for the rest of their life. It’s never too late to work on scar tissue or strengthen the pelvic floor. We can wallow in what should have happened or what peripartum care should have looked like but instead, its best to look ahead. Spread the knowledge and know that postpartum care today was better than yesterday and will be even better tomorrow.

If you are a new mom, pregnant or planning on having a kid in the near future, click here to be the first to know about the release of my virtual postpartum program, “Whole Again”.

There is a common misconception that the pelvic floor is only relevant for women who have had kids. I’m here to tell you this is bonkers. Sure, having a child tends to lend to more obvious pelvic floor dysfunction, but there are many signs of impairment that aren’t recognized as coming from the pelvic floor. Also, why has it been deemed acceptable to completely neglect a part of the body until a baby is shoved out of it or cancer shows up in the prostate? We wouldn’t ignore a person’s right leg until it needed amputation right? And yes, males have pelvic floors too! There is definitely more talk about the pelvic floor within the perinatal population which is progress, but male pelvic health continues to be taboo leaving most men to suffer quietly not knowing there is any other option. I can’t bring up quiet suffering without also acknowledging the fact that those who don’t identify with the genitalia they were born with and those who have experienced physical and/or emotional abuse or trauma are even more likely to be silent. This can come from not knowing there is something that can be done, feeling uncomfortable or too ashamed to bring it up and/or not trusting that a medical professional will listen and actually hear them which is unfortunately a valid concern. Each one of these barriers to pelvic floor health can, should and will be a blog post of their own but my main purpose here is to just convince you that it’s time you introduced yourself to your pelvic floor if you haven’t already.

Why is the pelvic floor important?

The pelvic floor is a group of muscles that are responsible for poop and pee control, all sexual functions, lymphatic drainage, support of the organs that lie above it and stability of the spine, hips and pelvis. Do I need to say more? All of these functions are absolutely essential to our ability to be functional and happy people in the world.

Even further, the pelvic floor is our emotional holding place and our energetic center. Did I lose you with that one? I never thought these words would be a part of my western-based practice either but when you specialize in the pelvic floor they have to be. Again, I’ll save most of my words and RESEARCH to back it up for another blog but for now, just think about how the root chakra has been a part of many ancient practices that still hold true and effective in today’s modern world.

What are signs and symptoms of pelvic floor dysfunction?

The most obvious signs of dysfunction include: peeing yourself, pooping yourself, erectile dysfunction, pain with penetration, feeling like your organs are falling out of your vagina and/or butthole, and inability to sit because of tailbone pain.

The not so obvious signs include: peeing too frequently, always feeling like you have to pee, having to rush to the bathroom, difficulty initiating voiding, non-continuous urine stream, post-pee dribble, not feeling like you empty poop or pee all the way, waking up at night to pee, feeling like you have a urinary tract infection when you don’t, interstitial cystitis, overactive bladder, not being able to hold a fart in, not being able to discern whether its a fart or poop that is waiting to come out, having to bear down to get poop or pee out, pooping taking longer than 10 min, not pooping everyday, clinically diagnosed constipation, constipation-diarrhea yo-yo, irritable bowel syndrome, hemorrhoids, premature orgasm, inability to orgasm, decreased natural lubrication, decreased libido, enlarged prostate, fibroids, cysts, endometriosis, the feeling of pressure or heaviness, peeing/pooping/farting a little when you laugh/cough/sneeze/run/jump, poop getting stuck in a pocket, having to splint to poop (if you have to do this you will know what I mean), pain with pooping or peeing, painful menstrual cycles, perineal, testicular, scrotal, sacroiliac and pubic pain. Whew! Anyone else winded from that?

And the signs that you wouldn’t guess had anything to do with the pelvic floor include: abdominal pain, hernias, diastasis recti (abdominal separation), hypersensitive nervous system, PTSD, piriformis syndrome, sciatica, groin pain, hip pain, low back pain and get this…even knee, neck and shoulder pain! How can this be? It’s because the pelvic floor is the bottom of our core which stabilizes the spine. Without spinal stability, nothing works right. You can read more about this in my previous blog post, “Spinal Stability”.

What can be done to improve pelvic floor dysfunction?

SOOOOOO MUCH! As I mentioned right off the back, the pelvic floor is a series of muscles. As with all muscles of the body, their strength can be improved leading to more functional capacity and decreased symptoms. Sometimes this has to start with learning how to relax the pelvic floor (again, needs to be another blog…I have created quite the list for myself), sometimes it has to begin with posture and breath, and other times its pressure management, loading the system and introducing impact. It never ever ever ever, is just kegels. I will save that soap box for another day.

When the dysfunction is beyond what can be fixed through muscle strength, there are many surgeries to fix any ligamentous or tissue damage. This is the equivalent of when leg strengthening isn’t enough to return to soccer without an intact ACL. The surgery replaces the ACL but then rehabilitation after the surgery is a must. Same goes with any pelvic floor surgery (having a kid counts as such). The post-op rehabilitation is absolutely imperative to gaining proper function afterwards. Scar tissue doesn’t magically disappear and muscle strength doesn’t miraculously pop back.

Who can you talk to about your pelvic floor?

I encourage everyone to start using the words poop, pee, vagina, penis and sex in their day to day conversations. I think part of the problem here is that we aren’t comfortable saying or hearing, let alone discussing these things with anyone, especially doctors.

If you are experiencing any of the above signs or symptoms, don’t sit and wait for your doctor to bring up the topic. While it should be part of their routine screen, it’s often forgotten or breezed over. If your doctor asks you the questions, feel comfortable answering them honestly. It does nothing for you to lie and say no just because it’s an uncomfortable conversation. It doesn’t have to be!

When you do bring it up or answer honestly, don’t be surprised if your doctor goes straight to prescribing a medication or giving you a urologist or gynecologist referral. This is when you need to be your own advocate and ask for a pelvic physical therapy referral first. Pelvic physical therapy is a relatively new thing in America so it still isn’t the go to for most doctors. Heck, we are still trying to get some doctors to refer to physical therapy for back pain. It will definitely be some time before doctors routinely refer to PT for incontinence. So ask for it yourself. You wouldn’t sign up for a back surgery before trying to strengthen your core first nor would you choose to be addicted to narcotics for pain before trying to improve your musculoskeletal impairments. Same goes for the pelvic floor. Address the muscles first before signing up for bladder surgery or viagra.

Still unsure or uncomfortable?

I gotcha covered. Shoot me an email here. Let’s work through it.